It’s Only Real Love When It’s Hard
I possess a doctoral degree in Strategic Leadership, but sometimes I feel like I’m still in Kindergarten when it comes to some areas of life.
One such course of needed study and growth is the biblical quality of love.
Next week my wife, Shirley, and I celebrate forty years of marriage. I would have liked to have taken her on a cruise, a romantic getaway, or even to a nearby Bed ‘n Breakfast.
But yesterday, Shirley had major female surgery (a seven hour procedure), and for the next 6-8 weeks she will be convalescing and I will be her main caregiver at home.
But that’s okay. I know I have a lot to learn about the greatest subject in the world–love.
It’s only real love when it’s hard.
I know I could be writing about a lot of world events today. As I punch the keyboard, Hurricane Matthew is bearing down with ferocity on the US east coast. Two nights ago, Mike Pence proved his worthiness of Donald Trump’s VP pick by easily upping Tim Kaine in the vice presidential debate.
In about thirty days one of the most important presidential elections of our lifetime will take place between Donald Trump–weak on character and good on policies–and Hillary Clinton–who is corrupt in character and disastrous on policies. She would lead the American nation off of a progressive cliff.
But today, I’m thinking about none of those issues because love calls. My wife is resting comfortably at home while still hooked up to some technology. Her seven hour surgery two days ago was longer than the four surgeries that I have experienced before combined.
While I waited anxiously for her in the waiting room, two hours beyond the scheduled time, I thought about our lifetime of love and countless expressions of it. I pondered the privilege of having six great children–ironically the cause of her female surgery. I also had some tearful moments wondering why it was taking so long while pushing the thought from my mind that maybe something was wrong.
I knew she wasn’t having life threatening surgery, but this was the first time in six decades she’d been under anesthetic–and at our age, anything can happen. I was actually a little surprised at how emotional I was throughout the day. Tears came to my eyes when I saw her smiling face a few hours later.
Our love goes deep, and it’s only real love when it’s hard.
What do I mean by that?
Jesus told us that it’s easy to love people when things are familiar and good: “ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? (Matthew 5:46,47).
What’s hard about love is when you are not friends and things are not going well. That applies to two primary situations–loving your enemies and loving sacrificially when times are difficult. Let me focus on the second scenario.
For many years, I’ve defined love this way: Love is doing what’s best for another person from God’s point of view. In difficult circumstances or situations love oftentimes demands great sacrifice and continual death to self to really benefit another. The other person needs you, sometimes desperately. You need to change your schedule, your commitments, your likes and dislikes, and many other self-oriented things.
Right now, that’s what love demands of me in caring for Shirley. For the next week or so I need to carry her through a difficult time–loss of sleep, caring for wounds, dealing with the unpleasantness of restoring bowel movements and cleaning up messes.
For weeks after, I will cook some of the meals, do the grocery shopping, handle the laundry, and care for Shirley’s shut-in parents. For quite a while I need to do all the lifting–even a gallon of milk. Classes must be canceled, appointments postponed.
In the past when I’ve had surgeries or accidents, Shirley was my gracious caregiver and performed it beautifully.
Now it’s my turn to learn true servant-oriented love.
When she came home from the hospital yesterday I needed to make her some dinner. Since moving to a new home three years ago, I’ve never cooked a meal and don’t even known where many of the kitchen utensils reside. I even had trouble turning on the gas stove! Then, I made the only thing that I’m really able to cook–scrambled eggs.
It’ll be a miracle if Shirley nutritionally survives the next month. But I’ve got to rise to it.
It’s only real love when it’s hard.
While I was waiting for Shirley’s surgery to be completed, I read the current number one bestseller in America–Bill O’Reilly’s Killing the Rising Sun. I strongly recommend it. It shares the horrific story of World War II in the Pacific Theater where the United States defeated the militant Japanese Empire. Twenty-four million people died because of Japanese aggression and savagery.
The book is dedicated to all those who served in the military to defeat Japan. It tells numerous stories of heroism and bravery of those who laid their lives down to free the world from tyranny. They did it because they loved liberty and their own nation more than themselves.
It’s only real love when it’s hard.
While I was waiting in surgery, I needed someone to deliver something to me at the hospital. I called a nearby family friend who had just gotten up. He didn’t seem too interested in helping me and kept trying to find a way out of the errand. Eventually, I did it myself.
His response instructed me. You don’t love if your heart isn’t willing to sacrifice. It’s easy to “love” when it costs you nothing. But that’s not true love–just doing what’s convenient.
It’s only real love when it’s hard.
I’ve seen real love demonstrated by my parents. For a number of years, my mother took care of my aging father as he faced various medical problems. Occasionally the roles were reversed. There were numerous ambulance trips to the hospital and the anxious prayers that accompanied them. There were weeks and months of exhausting care.
They both needed to look past the beauty of youth and deal with sagging skin, no privacy, clipping aged toenails, and cleaning up errant bed-pans. This sacrifice usually fell to my mom and she did a superb job of serving my dad until he drew his last breath. I learned much by watching them.
It’s only real love when it’s hard.
I also know that I haven’t come near to experiencing what some people have faced in the “exam” of real love, such as:
- Caring for a dying child who passed away at a young age.
- Dealing with a handicapped relative over a lifetime–putting another’s greater needs ahead of your own.
- Serving in a war zone or caring for the destitute after some terrible natural disaster.
- Enduring sex slavery, being abducted to fight as a child soldier, being raped and abused by evil aggressors–and having the opportunity to help.
Many people in our world daily face terror and difficulty that can only be eased or erased by those who reach out with true love.
Jesus is, of course, our greatest example of true self-sacrificing love. He left the comforts of heaven to walk the dusty streets of earth. He healed the sick and raised the dead, and most didn’t respond favorably to his compassion and concern.
He ultimately laid his life down on a barbaric cross to make atonement for the entire world–and this after they’d spit on him, whipped him and yelled “Crucify him!”
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).
It’s only real love when it’s hard.
Our 40th anniversary arrives on Monday. Between now and then I will be at home, caring for Shirley and trying to nurse her back to health. When our special day arrives, the only thing on the calendar is a trip to the doctor to have some technology removed. Then we will return home to keep healing, loving, remembering that we made a pledge four decades ago to stand by one another “in sickness and in health.”
It might be easy to feel sorry for ourselves. Wouldn’t our love be greater if accompanied by the blessings of health and excitement or luxury and travel?
No. Absolutely not.
This year we get the privilege of experiencing the true heart of love which is intimate sacrificial caring for another. The fluff will be gone, the dross burned away, and the real deal left to sparkle and shine. This is going to be the most loving anniversary we’ve ever known or experienced.
It’s only true love when it’s hard.
And… very precious to God.
What I Learned from the Great Debate
It appears that Tuesday’s night’s presidential debate was the most watched of all time with nearly 84 million people tuning in. That number is a 17% spike over the first debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney in 2012.
I studied the debate prayerfully with much thought and attention. I also listened to many of the pundits who gave their opinions afterwards.
Here is what I learned from the Great Debate.
I will share these observations in “point” form like a running stream of consciousness. I’m sure you have your own, and I hope my ramblings will help you to sharpen yours to pray, to vote, and to be an influence during this perilous time in American history.
Yes, I said perilous. This is the first presidential election in Post-Christian America. Our nation has reached a tipping point where the secularism has overtaken, in many ways, the biblical worldview that characterized our first two hundred years.
This is the first election in US history where it can be argued that neither candidate shares a personal relationship with Jesus Christ or possesses a faith-oriented worldview. Both the voters of the Democrat and Republican parties rejected candidates with strong biblical faith–so we’re left with two people that are more secular than Christian.
It’s a new day. A sober day.
And a day of great opportunities for God to move in our nation.
Here’s what I learned from the Great Debate.
1. It many ways, it was a draw. Neither Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton clearly won on points. How you judged it had much to do with your preference of candidate. There were no knock-out punches.
2. Because I prefer Donald Trump to Hillary Clinton, I give him the edge. It was his first time on a solo national stage and he did well. Mrs. Clinton has been in this scenario 35 times before. She was more familiar than he was. But she didn’t take great advantage.
3. Donald Trump appeared presidential and probably helped his cause, He refrained from name-calling and childish behavior and showed a basic grasp of all the issues that were brought up.
4. Hillary Clinton demonstrated good attention to detail and ample evidence of her policy-wonk credentials. She was better on a number of specifics than Mr. Trump.
5. I give Trump an edge in speaking the language of the common person. That’s one of his strengths. He is open and honest and you can relate to him and his concerns.
6. Mrs. Clinton, on the other hand, was overly robotic and prepared. Even her mention of her 2-year old granddaughter seemed forced and pre-meditated. Everything was calculated. She came across as a slick politician. Trump expressed the normal emotions of a passionate human being.
7. Mrs. Clinton was clearly the aggressor in this debate and showed a bit of a mean-streak. She came at Trump over his taxes, business practices, and name-calling, but it seemed to emanate from cue cards and focus groups instead of deep within. Also seemed a bit whiny at times.
8. Mr. Trump acted as the counter-puncher in this debate, especially on trade (NAFTA and TPP), creating jobs, the national debt, and a few other issues. He missed some big opportunities to expose Mrs. Clinton’s corruption re: the e-mail server scandal and the Clinton Foundation (what Rush Limbaugh calls the Clinton Family Crime Foundation). He must not make that mistake in future debates.
9. Did you see that Mrs. Clinton rarely looked Donald Trump in the eyes when she was speaking to him? I’ve noticed that in many of her appearances. When she first spoke of the e-mail fiasco, her eyes were always down and never looked at the camera. Same last night. If she can’t look Trump in the face with conviction and passion, how can she stare down Vladimir Putin or other world leaders?
10. It was easy to see the difference in transparency and honesty between the two candidates. I’m sure Donald Trump has things to hide, but overall he’s quick to rebut lies and seems genuinely transparent on most things. Mrs. Clinton is the opposite. Her words are so carefully crafted that you think you’re listening to an “angel of light” who’s telling you one thing but doing another. Donald wins on honesty.
11. Trump was very good at the beginning of the debate on how to create jobs and deal with the debt. After all, he’s a businessman and understands that realm. Mrs. Clinton has lived on the public dole all her life and never created a real job. So how can she help ignite an economic renewal in this nation?
12. The two candidates are starkly different on taxes. Mrs. Clinton wants to raise most people’s taxes, though she cleverly use class warfare words to make it appear she’s against the rich. But that’s a lie. There aren’t enough rich people to fund a four trillion dollar budget. Mr. Trump, on the other hand, sees the importance of lowering taxes for most to bring back capital to the country and ignite business expansion.
13. Mrs. Clinton is a classic tax and spend liberal. She had no comeback for Trump’s rightful assertion that Barack Obama created more debt that all the previous 43 presidents combined–and that our national debt has America on the precipice of great disaster. Mrs. Clinton would blindly (in the name of false compassion) explode that debt.
14. Mrs. Clinton cleverly used the word “investments” for government taxation. She went through the normal progressive list of crony capitalism including renewable energy, infrastructure spending and climate change. These are all buzz words for “we know better than you” and it’s too bad if you lose your job (like coal miners in West Virginia).
15. Trump was smart to appeal to the African American community that has been the most decimated by Democrat policies. In the name of “caring,” the victim/welfare mentality of many cities, blue states, and the federal government has placed many blacks and Hispanics on a modern-day plantation of despair. Trumps was wise to appeal to them. (Does it make sense for any voting block in America to vote 90% for one party?)
16. Both candidates seemed competent on nuclear policy. Trump was more realistic on other nations doing their part to police themselves and not simply ride the coattails of the world’s lone super power. Neither candidate would be prone to use nukes unwisely.
17. Trump won the skirmish over the war in Iraq and the mess that President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton have made of the Middle East. The Democrats created ISIS by leaving Iraq prematurely without a Status of Forces agreement. It was simply poor leadership. They could never be trusted to defeat them.
18. Mrs. Clinton won the argument over Donald Trump’s taxes. He needs to release them, under audit or not, and let the chips fall. If there are some embarrassing details there, they probably pale in comparison to the pay-for-play of the Clinton Foundation. Let them stand side-by-side.
19. Mrs. Clinton looked and sounded healthy, but you never know. JFK looked good most of the time but was living on medical “cocktails” because of his Graves Disease. Mrs. Clinton should release her full medical records just as quickly as Trump does his taxes.
20. Most of the time, when Mrs. Clinton was listening to Trump speak, her face was hard, cold, or bored (see photo above). That was the thing that struck me most from a body language perspective. She is not a warm person. He, on the other hand, is very engaging and relatable to most Americans.
21. Mrs. Clinton shouldn’t have been given a higher podium. She’s 5’4″ and he’s 6’2.” That difference in stature should have been noticed. Let her make up in gravitas what she lacks in height.
22. Mrs. Clinton was condescending at various moments–especially at the end of the debate when she shrugged he shoulders in pride at a Trump response.
23. Lester Holt asked six follow-up questions of Trump and none of Clinton. The bias was obvious.
24. Trump’s smile seems genuine though he’s often sober. Clinton’s smile often looks calculated and forced.
25. Trump’s family is beautiful and accomplished. Bill Clinton is a chronic adulterer who is hard to watch.
These are my 25 observations from the Great Debate.
What are yours?
These 25 items remind me of the greatest need in America: a new found encounter with the King of kings and Lord of lords–Jesus Christ.
If you want some encouragement after watching the Great Debate, check out this magnificent list of 25 reasons that we need leaders who will lead like Jesus.
And keep your eyes on Him.
Why Free Speech Was Praised in the 60s and is Being Suppressed Today
The last couple of years I’ve done some adjunct teaching at Faith International University in Tacoma, Washington. Faith Seminary is the graduate division of the school and is the only biblically-based seminary in the state of Washington.
FIU is growing by leaps and bounds as are many other Christ-oriented schools across America. In fact, yesterday, we joined some 1000 campuses in America who have birthed prayer rooms on their campuses. Many call them “Furnaces”–where faculty and students can fire up their hearts for God.
That’s greatly needed today because many colleges and universities have been taken over by secular humanism, and not only don’t believe in prayer, but reject many aspects of truth including freedom of speech.
Say what? No free speech on campus?
Free speech was praised in the 1960s. Why not today?
It was a joy to see our faculty and staff jam into the new Prayer Room at Faith yesterday for an official dedication. Lining three upper walls of the room were colorful flags of the 40 nations from whom we have received students the past fifty years.
The US flag (to which we gladly pledge our allegiance!) sits at the center of the room, reminding us of the blessing of being Americans. The flag of South Korea is to its left, depicting our large Korean division, and to the right rests the flag of Malaysia, symbolizing a growing Chinese division (led by a Malaysian professor).
Around the perimeter of the room are seven prayer stations that staff and students will frequent this year. Each station sports two chairs, a shelf with special items and resources, and a bulletin board with photos, artwork and slogans to help guide the prayer warrior. The seven stations focus on:
- Worship and Praise – remembering who God is and worshipping Him with all our hearts.
- Praying for the World – the Great Commission, unreached peoples, and the work of missions.
- Praying for Leaders – practicing 1 Timothy 2:2 by interceding for “all who are in authority.”
- Personal Renewal – a large altar sits against one wall where students can confess their sins, meditate and reflect on their personal walk with God, as well as take communion with others.
- Praying for FIU – where we cry out for our faculty, staff, students, and future students.
- Praying for Tacoma, WA – our “Jerusalem”–mayor, city council, first responders and area churches.
- Praying for America – interceding for our nation, its leaders and our great need for revival.
Many group prayer meetings will also take place this school year in the “Furnace” where an electric piano and sound system stand ready for inspiration and use. Our goal is the eventually turn the new FIU Prayer Room into a place of 24/7 prayer for our city, nation and world.
If you’re interested in joining us at FIU, please visit our web-site here. The new Prayer Room at Faith is totally committed to freedom of speech and expression–both to God and to people.
I wish that were true for the rest of the country.
You may have recently noticed some very disturbing trends at many colleges. They include 1) cancelling Christian and/ or conservative speakers from speaking on campus, 2) Creating “safe spaces” where free speech is no longer tolerated or allowed, and 3) promoting only secular progressive causes such as global warming and racial injustice without freedom for debate.
How times have changed.
I remember the turbulent 60s and 70s when college students demanded “free speech” and public schools like UC -Berkeley and Kent State became passionate cauldrons of political expression and demonstration. Those movements championed our treasured First Amendment which guarantees the right of open discourse.
Why the squelching of free speech now?
It’s pretty simple. The goal of free speech in the 60s was to tear down America’s biblical heritage and morals and replace it with secularism. It was all about power, not liberty. Now that secular progressives are triumphant in many of the public universities in America, their goal is to hold on to that power by eliminating all competitors.
The means has changed, but not the end–a post-Christian, narcissistic America.
Heather McDonald, writing for the City Journal, describes secular university environments this way:
“The pathological narcissism of American college students has found a potentially devastating new source of power in the world of education. The truth is that American universities are among the most coddled environments ever devised by man.”
“The idea that one should attend college to be protected from ideas one might find controversial or offensive could only occur to someone who had jettisoned any hope of acquiring an education. Many commentators have been warning about a ‘higher education bubble.’ They have focused mostly on the unsustainable costs of college, but the spectacle of timid moral self-indulgence also deserves a place on the bill of indictment.”
To use Megyn Kelly’s phrase, today’s college kids have become “cupcakes” who don’t know how to compete in the real world and are not interested in the battle of ideas.
Not at Faith International University and many others. We welcome freedom of expression, academic excellence, and we center everything we do on a desire to know and glorify God.
Another biblically-based institution is also leading the way back to free speech sanity, Hear the wise words of Dr. Everett Piper, President of Oklahoma Wesleyan University:
“This past week, I actually had a student come forward after a university chapel service and complain because he felt ‘victimized’ by a sermon on the topic of 1 Corinthians 13. It appears that this young scholar felt offended because a homily on love made him feel bad for not showing love. In his mind, the speaker was wrong for making him, and his peers, feel uncomfortable.”
“I’m not making this up. Our culture has actually taught our kids to be this self-absorbed and narcissistic. Any time their feelings are hurt, they are the victims. Anyone who dares challenge them and, thus, makes them ‘feel bad’ about themselves, is a ‘hater,’ a ‘bigot,’ an ‘oppressor,’ and a ‘victimizer.’”
“I have a message for this young man and all others who care to listen. That feeling of discomfort you have after listening to a sermon is called a conscience. An altar call is supposed to make you feel bad. It is supposed to make you feel guilty. The goal of many a good sermon is to get you to confess your sins—not coddle you in your selfishness. The primary objective of the Church and the Christian faith is your confession, not your self-actualization.”
“So here’s my advice: If you want the chaplain to tell you you’re a victim rather than tell you that you need virtue, this may not be the university you’re looking for. If you want to complain about a sermon that makes you feel less than loving for not showing love, this might be the wrong place.”
“If you’re more interested in playing the ‘hater’ card than you are in confessing your own hate; if you want to arrogantly lecture, rather than humbly learn; if you don’t want to feel guilt in your soul when you are guilty of sin; if you want to be enabled rather than confronted, there are many universities across the land that will give you exactly what you want, but [ours] isn’t one of them.”
“Here we will teach you to be selfless rather than self-centered. We are more interested in you practicing personal forgiveness than political revenge. We want you to model interpersonal reconciliation rather than foment personal conflict. We believe the content of your character is more important than the color of your skin. We don’t believe that you have been victimized every time you feel guilty and we don’t issue ‘trigger warnings’ before altar calls.”
“[We] are not a ‘safe place’, but rather, a place to learn: to learn that life isn’t about you, but about others; that the bad feeling you have while listening to a sermon is called guilt; that the way to address it is to repent of everything that’s wrong with you rather than blame others for everything that’s wrong with them. This is a place where you will quickly learn that you need to grow up.”
“This is not a day care. This is a university!”
Amen.
Same for us at FIU and many other fine Christian institutions.
Come join us–and help us bring about a re-birth of liberty in our schools through the power of Jesus Christ.